Codependent Discovery and Recovery 2.0 by Mary Joye

Author:Mary Joye
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Health Communications Inc
Published: 2021-08-30T00:00:00+00:00

The Value of Wholeness and How to Achieve It

Codependents often say, “I’m not attracted to the nice ones! They bore me.” They mistake stability for boredom. Here is some emotional math.

1 broken person + 1 broken person = 2 broken people

This dynamic is a bunch of interminging damaged pieces with jagged edges.

1 independent person + 1 independent person = 2 happy interdependent people

This is wholeness and happiness.

We all have some broken or damaged pieces in our lives, but they are not who we are; they are merely things that happened to us. They don’t have to define you; they can refine you. Take some time to heal yourself before becoming involved with someone else. Codependency is costly, and self-care is a preventive medicine against a future broken heart. This is improper English, but you can’t not afford to take the time to pick up the broken pieces of your heart before moving on with another. The narcissist in your life will repeat the same unhealthy pattern, but you won’t if you allow the sanctuary of solitude to restore your fortitude. You can and will love greatly if you take care to become the one you want to attract patiently. What is broken can be more than restored; it can be renewed.

I’ve collected Venetian glass since I was a child. My grandmother gave me my first piece, and I cherished it. When I went through a divorce, my ex-husband bragged how he carefully packed this glass for me. Though suspect, I thought maybe there was a glimmer of compassion in him. Nope! He was trying to break my spirit more. He threw the glass in the box without one piece of bubble wrap between them. The mover apologized profusely when he opened the box and also said, “That’s the meanest man I ever met, and you seem like a nice lady.” If a big, brawny mover noticed a narcissist/codependent dance, hopefully you will see if it is operating in your life too. Seeing the broken pieces of treasured glass assisted me visually to see leaving him wasn’t merely the right thing to do, it was the only thing to do. It isn’t pretty to leave a narcissist, but it is a beautiful thing to accomplish.

I hung onto the shattered pieces for years, thinking that maybe an artist could make something beautiful out of them, but the box bothered me every time I saw it. One day, I marched it to a dumpster and surrendered the pieces. The clanging pieces of glass falling into the abyss were so loud and agitating, but the silence to follow gave me peace.

But wait. It gets better!

A few years later, friends asked me to meet for a cruise that began in Venice, Italy. I was conditioned to be afraid to go, but at that moment I was afraid not to go. The island of Murano is where they make Venetian glass! I got a blue heart vase with gold flecks and more pieces. It was a happy ending and a new beginning.

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